Dear Members of THE NEW GENERATION who were responsible for my Surprise Birthday Party:
I am writing this letter to you from the orthopedic ward of Cedars of Lebanon Hospital.
Despite the fact that my doctor has only this-morning informed me that I will be in traction and a complete body cast for the next month., I would like to thank all of you who were instrumental in surprising me with a birthday party on my birthday (of all times!).
It was a truly enjoyable evening, even though all the X-rays and other tests are still incomplete.
In filling out the initial hospital forms, I listed as the "prime cause of physical malfunction" something called "Rugby". I had always understood this to be a game wherein people from the British Isles kicked a football around a large expanse of grass. However, as played in my living room on the night of July 25, 1970, this did not at all seem to be the case. In fact, it seemed to me that there was no "football" present, unless it was my own highly vulnerable body.
In this regard, my doctors have several questions.
What is the "Nancy Texidor Crunch?", and has it ever been reproduced under actual laboratory conditions? Has anyone ever measured the actual "aggressive qualities-" of Kris Drinkard under scientific circumstances? And last, but not least, does anyone know how strong Shelley Foreman really is?
Nevertheless, despite all these medical questions, I can assure you that I will be back to reasonably normal health within the next six weeks, and I ask only one thing: Please celebrate my next birthday with someone else besides me,
Best regards from my Bed of Pain,
Richard Bluel, President of You All
P.S. I have instructed my attornies to sue only in the amount of $200,000, which is the sum covered by THE NEW GENERATION insurance policy.